Friday, April 10, 2015

Missing: My life. Reward offered.

Saturday, March 7, 2015.


That's what I would choose as my last really "normal" day.

We woke up and had breakfast. I shared my DIY column on making reusable kitchen towels. I darted out to my 9:30 Zumba class.

When I came home, our good friends from next-door had just arrived for a playdate. We hung out in the playroom for the rest of the morning, laughing and talking while the kids ran around.

After they left, we had a quick lunch. The kids went down for quiet time, and I sewed a new dress for C out of a men's shirt. We had pork tenderloin for supper (Darling Husband made it, but I stuck it in the oven).

We ate dinner together as a family, played for a while, and put the kids to bed. Darling Husband went to work, and I can't remember what I did -- finished the dress, possibly, or started on a new project? I fell asleep, the time changed in the middle of the night, and with it changed my life.

***

The next few days were a blur of pre-op bloodwork and a pregnancy test and calls to confirm my arrival time. On Wednesday, March 11, I went in for a minor procedure and wound up with a hysterectomy.

It's been a month, tomorrow, and I'm impatient to get my life back. This post is going to be bleak and whiny -- just warning you now -- because that's just about all I can muster at the moment.

Over the last four weeks, I've had hospital visits to get iron infusions. I haven't been able to drive the preschool carpool, pick up the kids, or run around the house with my usual command. We've had a string of guests helping us out (very grateful, but still -- it's not our "usual").

Other wrenches thrown into the mix lately:

  • All of us getting the flu
  • D going to the emergency room because of a lung infection (possibly croup?) that was making it hard for him to breathe. 
  • C coming down with a cough, too (stay tuned). 
  • The fact that Darling Husband hit a deer on the highway righttttt before all of this happened, so we had to pay a lovely $500 deductible.
Things have been sucky lately, even though I know I'm supposed to spout out cheerful and grateful sentiments like I'm a gold-lettered inspiration canvas on Pinterest. I have positive days and dark days, but mostly just days when I miss my real life desperately. 

I'm tired of being stuck at home. I'm tired of someone in this family always being sick and/or injured. I'm tired of not being able to bend down and pick up all of the toys and puzzle pieces that are driving me crazy. I have only put on make-up like four times in the last month, instead of every day, so I know things are really dire. 

I wish more than anything that I could wake up tomorrow morning, put on my Zumba clothes, and go spend the morning dancing with my friends. I wish I could drive. I wish I could run out the back door and play with the kids. I wish I had time with my husband that didn't involve him taking care of one of us (or all of us) or making runs to the drugstore and the grocery store.  

Recovery is slow, and it's draining me of my spark. There's nothing to do about it, except holding onto the fact that I'm creeping a little closer to normal every day. 

1 comment:

Shannon Cleary said...

Oh gosh, I hope things get better soon. On the bright side, I think you just coined a new term... Stuck At Home Mom ;-)